I'm too scared to talk to my friends.
I'm complaining and I'm gonna sound whiny and bitchy and self-deprecating!!! You have been warned !!!
8:04
I don't fucking get how people with less followers on me on bluesky just have more interaction with their posts, like even their text posts. I get like 1 like on my text posts once a week. Even people with just slice-of-life posting get likes. Is it cuz I'm not being funny enough? Am I just doing something wrong? I fucking hate that I rely on social media validation. It kind of makes me want to delete Bluesky, but that's literally my last socmed. I don't know anymore.
I feel like everyone else is so much more special and important than me. All my online friends have friends they actually hang out with in games and stuff. I just suck at talking. What am I supposed to say?? Am I stupid? Do I really just have nothing to talk about when I want to talk to my friends? I hate myself. I hate that I hate myself. I don't want to hate myself, but I feel like I have to because I can't talk to my friends!! I'm a bad friend!
I have like 4 hobbies and I don't know how to talk about them. I don't know what to do. I don't know if it's just social anxiety itself or if I'm also just really fucking dumb.
I don't know why I'm posting this online. I mean, some people that blog their feelings online to their sites so I guess it's fine. Why am I trying to seek validation for this? I'm always seeking validation for everything. Is it bad? Am I a bad person for wanting to feel less lonely? I just want people to hang out with but I'm a bad person 'cause I can't even talk to my own friends.
I sound like I'm a child. I don't know how to grow up. I want to talk to my friends more. I want them to talk to ME more. What do I do. Why am I scared of them. Why am I so scared.
I want to lash out at everyone. I feel neglected but it's not their fault, I just don't know how to speak up about my needs. But then I feel selfish if I do! I feel so unimportant. I don't know if I should delete this later. I feel like shit. I want someone to see this but I feel guilty. I don't know! I just wanted to unabashedly complain. I want to whine and scream and yell!!! I want my feelings out there!!!! I hold everything in so much, I just want someone to hear me !!!!