social media trap
8:42 AM
I was talking to my therapist last week about how I have this endless cycle where I post something to Bluesky, expect likes and instant gratification from those likes, and when I don't get those I become insecure and depressed like I'm doing something wrong and then it leads to posting more thinking if I'm just funnier, more relatable, more talented, then I can receive more likes. It feels like I'm playing the lottery.
She brought up something I said before, that I'm seeking actual connections with irl people because social media is my main source of kind of being around people, but that's not true, at least not the last part. I have video games mainly MMORPG's to thank for for helping me make online friends. I feel I make better connections through games than other sources. Social media feels like a trap for me.
I also forgot to mention to her that it seems some people I follow have a healthier relationship with Bluesky since they only post once in a while...but maybe that's just an assumption. I don't know whether or not they are experiencing something similar to me.
I seek external validation from social media, I feel insecure when I don't. I guess the first step to fixing a problem is to recognize the issue, but I've been stuck like this for years even before using Bluesky. I think I have an addictive personality. This relates back to my first blog post where I'm just confused people with less followers than me have more engagement, and then instead of brushing it off, I instead ask myself if there's something wrong with me. Am I annoying? Am I not "posting good" enough?
I can't blame people for not interacting with me if they don't want to because I do the same where I like a post and not comment. I think that's the norm on social media, but should I be more social though? Why do I care so much if I'm seen as annoying? what if I genuinely just have nothing to say?
I was hoping my therapist would help me shift my mindset on social media in a more healthier way, but I suppose she does have a point that I want outside friendships. I have tried taking a social media break for a week, but after that week was over, I felt like absolute shit. Is it a withdrawal effect? I don't know, but of course I felt better using social media because avoiding it wasn't helping either. So I just don't know know what to do. I don't know what to do.